I think the pandemic is what most of us will remember about 2020. But for me, it will also be the year my brother-in-law died. He bravely fought stage 4 Glioblastoma cancer for 22 months, with all the dignity that cancer allows. He is caring, kind, compassionate and had a passion for life. Because of that, his career was a perfect fit, he was a psychiatrist at the VA treating PTSD patients.
I posted on my Facebook page about my brother-in-law’s death and I wrote that I will carry him in my heart forever, which I will. I got an interesting comment from a friend, she said it’s nice of you to say that, but she went on to say, most people just say that when someone dies. I thought her need to share that perspective was interesting. As someone who has dealt with a lot of loss, I’ve heard many unusual comments, but I usually chalk it up to people not knowing what to say. But this one felt more personal, like she was calling me out for how I feel and what I believe.
This idea of carrying loved ones that have passed with me is not something new, I have written about it before. I do believe that the loved ones I have lost are still with me and continue to move forward with me. I know that they are so much of who I am; good, bad and indifferent. I don’t understand how you could leave them behind, or why would you want to? As an example, there have been so many times over the years when I found strength in knowing my husband Robert is still with me, especially when things were bad with my son. In those bad times I would even feel someone touch my back and I believe it was him, that was something he did when he was here. I know that may sound crazy, but I do believe in signs.
As for my brother-in-law, I will be lucky to carry him in my heart, I would love to be more like him. I’m sure going forward I will continue to learn from him. I know there are many people who believe as I do, and probably just as many that don’t. I think it’s all about your personal experience and perspective.