Month: July 2020

Pandemic Panic

I have been struggling with my panic/anxiety and my agoraphobia during the pandemic. In the beginning it didn’t seem as bad, there was a level of distraction and shock. Then things got crazy so fast and then came the lockdown. When that started I was ‘ok’, I saw it as an opportunity get some things done around my house. At first that’s what I did, I cleaned, I went through things, I cooked and I stayed home. But then things starting get worse with the virus and I started having trouble. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and then I became what I would call non-functional. I would spend an entire day in bed, or just sitting. I was aware of this behavior; I just couldn’t seem to do anything about it. I knew I couldn’t continue this way, so I pushed myself to get up and I used something I learned in therapy. When I started working toward going outside Dr Eppler told me to get dressed like I was going somewhere to create a mindset of going. So, I tried that now, I got up, showered and got dressed. Some days I still did not do anything, but I figured at least I had gotten dressed, I took that as progress.

I became scared that my years of hard work and progress with my agoraphobia would disappear, I don’t want to start over again. I tried to reach out to a couple of people that had provided me with motivation before, but no luck. I am alone and that wasn’t helping either. I had tried being busy, I switched my small business to making fabric face masks, that helped some. One day I realized I was basically living in my bedroom, this reminded me too much of my agoraphobia. All I knew was I needed to figure out why this was happening so I could hopefully find a way to deal with it.

Obviously, coronavirus is affecting my anxiety, as I have mentioned before I am immunocompromised, I have primary immune deficiency. I was given information from some of my doctors about precautions I need to take and how to protect myself. I was also told that if I get this my chances of surviving are not good. Another contributing factor was the isolation, I have used social interaction to motivate me with my agoraphobia, now that is gone. Just like when I was stuck in my house, I feel like life is passing me by, this time I worry if I can catch back up with it. Then there was the question I asked my infectious disease doctor, I asked how long these precautions would be necessary for people like me. She said till at least March 2021, but she feels it will be extended till later in the year. That felt like getting hit by a truck. I again found myself non-functional. Adding to the anxiety now is the spike in cases of Covid-19.

So, as of now, I am experimenting to find things that might help. I have increased my daily exercise. Normally I do 1 hour at home and 1 hour at the gym, but of course the gym is off limits for me till maybe next year. I have found that exercise really helps my anxiety. I am trying to do better about being productive, like working, cooking and cleaning. I am still filling mask orders, but I am also back producing the regular products for my business. I am limiting my outings, which I have tried to do all along. I don’t go out until I have 3 or 4 things I need to take care of. I get dressed most days, whether I am going out or not. And some days that includes accessories, something that I love and something that feels normal. I have pushed myself to eat meals at the dining table or at least not in my bedroom. I have started some creative projects like painting. I am still struggling with motivation and focus, but hopefully that will get better.

As I type these words, I can feel the anxiety, panic and fear in them. I will continue to share how I am doing. It will be like journaling, that will give me a much needed outlet to talk about it. And if any of you are dealing with increased panic and anxiety please feel free to share it in a comment. I am holding on to hope that there is a way to get through this; holding on to hope has gotten me this far.

To Mask or Not to Mask….

I have been watching the debate over mask orders, which seems to include death threats for health officials that make the orders regarding mask and claims of a loss of freedom and constitutional rights. This issue is close to my heart as an immunocompromised person. But I am going to take a open minded/unemotional look at this issue.

First some general observations, I will use my county in California as my example, but I may also refer to my state as a whole. In the county where I live the health officer issued a order changing masks from recommended to required when businesses started to open. This was met with anger, protests and death threats against her. She ended up resigning, and then the order was changed back. Mind you every business, medical facility, restaurants, hair salon and nail shop require people to wear mask. This is not only their right to do, but is included in all the recommendations for reopening; CDC, state and local. Just about a week ago the governor issued a mandate requiring masks in response to the spike in cases we are experiencing in the state and specifically in certain counties, including my county. This has refueled the mask debate.

First lets look at the constitutional rights argument. I will try to look at the amendments that might be applicable in the interest of time. As for freedom of speech and freedom of assembly, I think that the very fact that people have gathered and protested the mask issue means there is no loss of freedom of speech and assembly. The press had covered this, as well as the other issues regarding coronavirus, so we still have a free press. And I can’t figure out how a mask could interfere with someone practicing their religion. Now some people may argue that a mask is cruel and unusual punishment, I’m not sure that would stand up in court, but I’m sure someone will try.

The other argument has been that the mask orders are an overreach of government. Since states have broad powers to protect the health and safety of the people, it would seem like a mask order would fit into that power. Lets look at the back story, researchers have been looking into the science of masks. Their studies have been focused on whether a mask protects the wearer and/or the people around them. At the beginning of the pandemic it wasn’t clear if it did offer protection, there was actually a lot of confusion on the topic. But as more has been learned about Covid-19 scientists and doctors agree that a mask does offer protection and is one of the few things you can do for protection. I’ve heard some doctors refer to wearing a mask as a sign that you respect and care for others.

I will close with my own conclusions about masks. First, I understand that no one wants to wear one, neither do I. For me I weigh it against the risk of getting Covid-19 and I feel like it’s a no brainer. It’s only a piece of fabric and it’s not forever, although it may be for those of us immunocompromised. I’ve heard some doctors compare it to the argument regarding seatbelts, that seems like a great analogy. Both are required for the purpose of protecting your health and safety. Seatbelts have certainly saved lives and severe injuries. In time I think masks will be shown to have saved lives. I will leave you with a question, what if we all wear a mask and this virus gets under control and we could get on the other side of this pandemic?

I don’t usually use this forum to take on issued like this, but it has become such a controversy and like it said it’s close to my heart.