As I have talked about before I am working on my book.  I have been trying very hard to get the first six chapters done and edited.  I have more chapters written, but the first six are what I need to start looking for a publisher.

So the other night I had a girls night at my house, it gave me a chance to show off my martini mixing skills.  We talked about many things, including my book.  I got out one of my journals I am referencing in my writing.  I wanted to show my unique post it tab system, it’s a little crazy.  One of my friends asked if they could just pick a page at random and I could read what was on it?  I said sure, so she picked one and I shared an entry about Steven, the delivery driver.  They laughed and I shared another entry about Steven.  They then said that obviously I had a crush on him and they laughed, and suddenly I felt silly and foolish.

Yes I talked to Steven and yes I flirted with him and yes I like him, he is an interesting person.  But the point that was missed is those conversations with Steven provided me with both motivation and hope.  I pushed myself harder to be outside so I could talk to him.  And when I did it made me see there was life outside my house, that gave me hope.

So today I was working on the chapter about Steven and I found myself second guessing what I have written.  Are people going to miss the point?  Am I just going to look silly?  Are people just going to laugh?  Is this whole project just a joke?  I hope not!!  I have poured so much into the book and I want to think readers will get something from it, that’s why I am writing it.

So after hours and hours today of struggling with this, I have decided that as I stated at the beginning of this project, I have to be true to my story.  And if some people think it’s a joke, well that’s ok.  My hope will still be that it reaches someone and helps them.