June 11th was the third anniversary of my son Robby’s death. This day comes 6 days after his birthday, that’s still hard to process. I find the special days like birthdays, holidays and anniversaries, are like mile markers on this journey called grief. For me, I find myself traveling along, then the anxiety kicks in, I realize the date and I know what’s coming. My most recent experience with this started in May, a month that brings my Mom’s birthday and ends with the anniversary of her death. This is followed closely by Robby’s birthday on June 5th and, as I mentioned, his anniversary on the 11th.
I realize that the term mile markers might seem odd, it may be. When I learned to drive being able to read a map was a necessity. Most people carried folded maps in the glove box, and/or a Thomas Brothers map book. An important part of reading a map was being sure where you were, that was the importance of the mile markers on the highways. I have found that on this grief journey there are times when I’m not sure which way I am going and a mile marker would be helpful. Then there have been times when it feels like there are too many markers and it becomes overwhelming. There is no map or guide book for this journey.
I have come to believe two things, one is as long as you are moving that’s enough. And two, the mile markers are love. It’s the love that helps lead us in the right direction. And I believe it’s the love that can help us survive this journey called grief.