Memories are a funny thing, they can bring you great joy and can also represent great loss. Over the past couple of weeks my thoughts have been full of memories of my husband, Robert. I love the opportunity to get lost in the memories of our life together, but at some point the reality creeps back in that he is gone. When he died my grandmother told me that people will tell you that time heals all wounds, but she said that time just lets you find a way to live with it. She was right, he has been gone 28 years and I did find a way to live with it, but the pain of his loss is always right there.
Yesterday was my son’s birthday, the third one he hasn’t been here for, he would have been 34. I was once again this year lost in my memories, photos and videos. As always I posted photos on Facebook, but this year I included a video, it’s great to see the photo come to life. I had thought that maybe this year I would be closer to finding a way to live with it, but no. In some ways it has seemed harder this year. I ordered his favorite cake and I spent the day mostly alone, as I have the two previous years.
Which brings me back to the new reality, I am alone. That’s not to say I don’t have friends, I do and they have become my ‘family’. It was Robby and I for 25-1/2 years on our own after Robert’s death. I was technically on my own, but Robby was there. I find comfort knowing that Robby and his dad are together again and someday we will all be together. But for now I have to find a way to deal with my newest reality, being alone.