I have spent a lot of my life on a search for answers. Now, I am not in search of the deeper meaning of life, I don’t have that much time or energy. But I am trying to understand why things happen or what they mean. This is not a new project for me, I have spent most of my life researching everything, that is how I learned….anything and everything.
In my search I have learned a few really good survival skills, like picking your battles. I used that one mostly with my Mom, she could argue and stand her ground on any topic, whether or not she was right. Then there is the skill of letting things just roll off your back, that one stills needs some work, but I am making progress. When my husband died, my Grandmother taught me a great survival skill, she told me that everyone will tell you that time heals all wounds, but she said that not true, with time you just learn to live with it. Over the years I have come to agree.
But the one thing I am still trying hard to understand is people. I pride myself on the ability to read people, but what I don’t seem to get is why some people do the things they do. Is it just them? Or is it something that I do that causes them to pull away? I understand what it means to be a friend, how to be there to support and help, how to laugh-even when it is difficult, smile, cry and to love. But then someone I think I know does something that I can not for the life of me figure out. I am left with so many questions and no obvious way to get answers. I tried calling this person and I asked the question that I needed to ask ‘what happened’. I waited to hear the answer, although I didn’t need the answer, I had for the probably the first time in our 23 year friendship, stood up for myself and didn’t just work to make everything OK. I got an answer, but it still left me with questions. In the few days following my call I have decided that perhaps there are no good answers, maybe it just goes back to my best survival skill of all, if you don’t expect anything or if you set your expectations low enough you will rarely be disappointed.